Former Weekend Update anchor Bill Murray returned to Saturday Night Live on the show’s 50th anniversary special to list his top ten anchors–none of whom were the man next to him, Colin Jost.
First, Murray poked fun at how there has only been one Black anchor of the segment: Michael Che, who has had the role alongside Jost since 2014.
“In honor of Black History Month, I want to start by ranking the African American weekend update anchors,” Murray said, presenting a board with just one name slot. “We’ll start with number one, and this is–by default–Michael Che.”
“Now we’ll move on to the regular Weekend Update anchors,” Murray joked, prompting Che to shoot back: “What the hell do you mean ‘regular?’”
Murray, showing a second board with ten slots, first explained why he was disqualifying himself: “My entire time here, I was on performance-enhancing drugs. It’s what we call an 88-shaker. Quaaludes. Cocaine. And nighttime theraflu.”
In the tenth spot, Murray announced that this person’s first name is Colin, and is “one of the all-time greats.” After a pause, he revealed the full name: Colin Quinn, who anchored from 1998 to 2000.
Bill Murray ranks Weekend Update anchors#SNL50 pic.twitter.com/2dBVmF3XIT
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In ninth, eighth, and seventh place were Kevin Nealon, Dennis Miller and Seth Meyers.
“I just wish we had the time tonight to say something nice about any of them,” Murray said, moving on.
“This next one could be you,” Murray said, causing Jost to ask if it was.
“No, it is not,” Murray replied. In what was a “tough” choice, Murray put Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in fifth, ahead Tina Fey and Jimmy Fallon in sixth.
“It was close,” he explained, “but I checked online, and ‘girl on girl’ is still, like, very, very popular.”
In fourth, Murray announced, was “Cornelius Crane Chase”–Chevy Chase, the show’s first Weekend Update anchor.
“Let’s face it, Weekend Update simply would not exist without him. So, it would be wrong to have him listed at anywhere but number four,” Murray joked.
In the third spot were Jane Curtin and Dan Aykroyd.
“A true story: I was the first to call Jane an ignorant slut–backstage,” Murray joked, referring to a 1979 “Point/Counterpoint” segment on Weekend Update. “Danny had the brilliant idea to say it on camera, and really, really mean it.”
In second was Norm McDonald, who, as Murray said, “may have been the best ever, but more importantly, he made me, for one, ask the question of myself: could O.J. possibly have done it?”
Murray, describing his top anchor of the last 50 years, said he is “funny,” has a “great smile,” and “is currently sleeping every kind of way with the lovely actress Scarlett Johansson.”
“Of course, I’m talking about my brother, Brian Doyle-Murray,” Murray said. Murray joked that he’s been told that his brother, who was on SNL for a few seasons in the late 1970s and early 1980s, “is a very, very considerate lover.”
Weekend Update also saw the return of some memorable characters: Bobby Moynihan as “Drunk Uncle,” Cecily Strong as “Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation With at a Party,” and Vanessa Bayer and Fred Armisen as “Lorne Michaels’ Best Friends from Growing Up.”
From Rolling Stone US
