Saturday Night Live‘s Donald Trump announced he has unfortunately only just begun wrecking the country.
One year into his second term, Trump (James Austin Johnson) decided that amid all the controversies, it was appropriate to indulge his vanity and host an awards show about himself: the First Annual Trumps.
“After that lady whose name I already forget gave me her Nobel Prize, I thought, ‘I need more awards!’” Trump began, referencing Venezuelan opposition leader Maria Machado gifting the president her peace prize medal.
“And after what all my little freaks and psychos in ICE have been doing, I need more distractions!” he added anxiously, after a federal immigration agent shot and killed another civilian in Minneapolis early Saturday. “Look, everything’s gold and shiny!”
live from the first annual Trump awards pic.twitter.com/it355tO2nR
— Saturday Night Live – SNL (@nbcsnl) January 25, 2026
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After receiving an award for winning the hastily created FIFA Peace Prize, Trump gave the crowd of sycophants a message they’re sure to love.
“And if I could be serious for a moment: there’s just so much horrible stuff going on in our country and the world right now, but I promise you I’m just getting started,” he said. “Thank you! Eric, go to bed.”
Trump then introduced the next award category: best kiss. The nominees were Vice President JD Vance (Jeremy Culhane), Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem (Ashley Padilla) and FBI Director Kash Patel, with the recipient of the kiss in each case being “Trump’s ass.” Trump himself also received a nod, but for “Putin’s ass.”
Noem announced she was “honored—and in no way dead inside”—to win the award, which she dedicated to Trump. He immediately accepted it and channelled Kanye West before giving her the boot.
Trump then brought out the recipient of the lifetime achievement award for comedy—”even though he might not always intend it”—Elon Musk (Mike Myers).
Noting that “it wasn’t all laughs this year,” Musk, with the help Trump inauguration performer Carrie Underwood (Veronika Slowikowska) and a member of the Village People (Tommy Brennan), mourned what the Trump administration destroyed, to the tune of the America’s Funniest Home Videos theme. On the list were the White House’s East Wing, NATO, D.E.I., civil rights, checks and balances, and Marjorie Taylor Greene.
From Rolling Stone US
